


once we were

by rubylily



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Developing Relationship, F/F, Strength
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubylily/pseuds/rubylily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miki Sayaka wants to protect those she loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	once we were

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VampirePaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/gifts).



Even in the darkest of nights Miki Sayaka was not scared. She no longer had any reason to be.

Sword in hand, she dashed into the thickening miasma, toward the countless wraiths. She had been scared once, but not anymore. She had magic now, born from a wish to save someone dear to her, and she would use this power to protect all those she loved.

She slashed at a nearby wraith, and it shattered into fragments of darkness. She still didn't quite understand what they were, only that they were distortions of reality given form by the curses of the world. In that sense, they were the opposite of magical girls born from hope, and thus if they were dangerous, she would defeat them.

She wanted to protect this world, and perhaps someday to emerge from the shadows into the light.

The wraiths began to encroach toward her, so she summoned a greater number of swords to push them back. They always moved so slowly and weakly, but their greater numbers made them dangerous. Even now she knew she couldn't let down her guard.

With a yell she dived into the center of the wraiths, slashing all those who got close. Her body moved of its own accord, and these battles had become routine. It was her fate now to fight, to protect the world, and she would never give up.

But these battles were never easy.

Sayaka felt something blast against her back, and she lost her footing as her swords flew from her hands. As she tried to get back to her feet and summon more swords, the wraiths circled her, and they had increased in number once more.

She clenched her teeth, but a familiar feeling welled within her, a feeling she had tried to shut away.

"Miki-san!"

Sayaka jerked her head up, and shots of lights pierced the wraiths, and they crumbled away, as if unaware of what was happening. Some of them were even restrained by brightly colored ribbons, and Sayaka took this chance to finish them. Her blades sliced through them as if they were paper, but there were always so many of them. These battles were endless, and she had made her choice.

Once all the wraiths were gone and only the dark cubes remained, Mami appeared before Sayaka, her expression grave. "Miki-san, I have told you it is dangerous to fight alone."

"I was doing fine earlier, so I figured I could handle a tiny group like this no problem!" Sayaka let out a weak chuckle as she rubbed the back of her neck.

Mami let out a heavy sigh, and there was a look in her golden eyes Sayaka had never seen before. "You should not take such unnecessary risks. You are aware of the Law of Cycles, aren't you?"

Sayaka winced. "Sorry, Mami-san. And thank you for saving me."

"It's quite all right." Mami smiled as she gathered the fallen cubes. "Let's have ourselves a midnight snack and purify your Soul Gem."

"Ah, sure!" Sayaka could not help but smile, even as her cheeks grew warm.

The two of them mostly walked in silence. The spring night air was oddly cool and few stars were visible against the dark sky, but Sayaka did not feel cold at all while being so close to Mami, and the lamps that lined the streets were enough to ward away the deepest darkness. Since becoming a magical girl, she had grown more aware of even the smallest fragments of light within darkness, so even when the shadows seemed to threaten to consume her, she could still see a little bit of light, and thus she did not really mind being out at night anymore. As long as she could grasp that light, she would never be scared.

Yet she still let out a sigh of relief once inside Mami's apartment.

As Mami went into the kitchen to collect the tea and snacks, Sayaka sat at the coffee table and stared out the large window at the city far below. Mitakihara was always so bright on the surface, but as a magical girl it was her job to seek out the darkest shadows and draw out the faint lights they trapped. Wraiths were drawn to the darkness of human hearts, but magical girls could bring out the hope in those same hearts. Thus being a magical girl was nothing to be ashamed of.

She rested her chin on her hand; she had told her parents she was spending the night at a friend's place, and while that wasn't necessarily untrue, a feeling of guilt came over her. However, this was her destiny as a magical girl, and it was better not to worry her family or risk putting them in danger by telling them too much. She had been the one to choose to take up the mantle of a secret savior, so she was willing to face that danger.

And she wasn't alone.

Soon Mami returned, and she set a cup of tea and a slice of cake in front of Sayaka and sat across from her. "I apologize for keeping you waiting, Miki-san."

"Oh, you didn't!" Sayaka smiled and took a sip of her tea. "Thanks, Mami-san."

"May I see your Soul Gem?"

Sayaka hesitated, and then she set her Soul Gem on the table. Mami's expression was unreadable, and when she placed her own Soul Gem next to Sayaka's, it became clear just how dark Sayaka's had become.

Mami sighed, and her gaze was unusually sharp. "Miki-san, you shouldn't push yourself so hard."

Sayaka gulped and turned her face away. "Guess I used more magic than I thought…"

"We should purify our Soul Gems," Mami said as she placed her share of the dark cubes on the table.

Sayaka did the same, and right away the cubes began to draw the darkness from the Soul Gems. That moving, pulsing darkness always disturbed her somehow, but she could never look away, even if she sometimes felt as if she would become lost in that darkness.

Mami's Soul Gem was fully cleansed first, and Sayaka's soon followed. Mami took hers and transformed it into a ring once more, and a faint smile came upon her lips. "We'll have to give these to Kyubey soon."

"Y-Yeah…" was all Sayaka could say as she took her Soul Gem as well, and once again it too was a ring. "Hey, are you angry?"

Mami was silent a moment. "I worry often about you."

Sayaka clenched her fingers. "I just want to protect this town like you do. That's why I became a magical girl - to save those I love!"

"Even if those you love will never know of your sacrifices?" Mami's voice was barely even a whisper.

"Mm…" Sayaka lowered her face, and her eyes hurt. "I don't need glory or recognition, not as long as those I love are happy. And…" She inhaled a deep breath to calm herself. "I want to make you proud, Mami-san."

Mami's eyes went wide for just a moment, and then that familiar smile returned to her lips. "I am proud of you, Miki-san, and I couldn't ask for a better partner."

"U-Um, t-thank you…" Sayaka stammered as her face grew warm.

Mami's smile did not fade. "Now, let us enjoy our little tea party. You've certainly earned it."

Sayaka's blush deepened in response.

Once they finished their tea and cake, they prepared for bed. Sayaka spent the night often with Mami lately, and Mami had even bought of pair of spare pajamas for her. When Mami had told her that, Sayaka briefly thought that she and Mami were almost like a couple that lived together.

And her heart had only beat faster at that thought.

Soon they were in bed - Mami only had one bed, so they shared it, and while it was small, Sayaka liked being so close to Mami - and when Mami turned off the lamp, the only lights came from the city outside. Mami had used to pull the curtains shut at night, but Sayaka had once asked her to keep them open. It wasn't much light, but it was enough to put Sayaka at ease, as she didn't really like sleeping in total darkness anymore.

Mami took Sayaka's hand into hers. Her hair was uncurled, and she had once surprised Sayaka by using her magic to curl her hair. "Goodnight, Miki-san," she said in soft voice.

Sayaka nodded. "'Night, Mami-san," she said as her fingers tightened around Mami's. She closed her eyes, and Mami's warmth comforted her. As she fell into a deep sleep, she could almost feel Mami gently stroking her hair.

"Miki-san, I…"

* * *

When Sayaka had been a little girl, she had always loved high places, and that hadn't changed since she became a magical girl. If anything, she loved high places even more, especially on nights she couldn't sleep.

As she stepped onto the rooftop of a tall, abandoned building - abandoned places were common gathering spots for wraiths, but she had not encountered any tonight - she saw another figure sitting upon the ledge. "Hey, are-" she began to say, but she went silent when she realized that figure was Homura.

Homura glanced over her shoulder. "Are you hunting alone?"

"I can take care of myself!" Sayaka snapped without thinking.

Homura's expression was as unreadable as ever. "You and Tomoe Mami are partners, correct?"

"Well, yeah, but it's not like we live together or anything like that." Sayaka sighed as she came beside Homura. She could never tell what Homura was thinking; Homura was reserved and always seemed to have an air of sorrow about her, but at the same time, she seemed oddly driven about something. While she rarely smiled, Sayaka sometimes caught a glimpse of fire in her dark eyes, one that almost matched the red ribbon in her hair.

But Sayaka still knew nothing about this Akemi Homura, and even Kyubey had not been able to tell her much.

Homura glanced at Sayaka. "Was there something you needed?"

"I just wanted to see the city." Sayaka tried to force a smile. "You like high places too, don't you? Must be a magical girl thing, huh?"

"Mm," was all Homura said in response.

Sayaka let out another sigh and sat next to Homura. "Actually, there is something I could talk to you about. You've known Mami-san for a while, haven't you?"

Homura touched the Soul Gem on her hand. "In a way."

Sayaka frowned; it was rare she ever got a straight answer about of Homura. "Mami-san's really strong, isn't she?" she went on. "Like the ideal magical girl…"

"She wants to save others, so she believes she had to be strong to do so," Homura said, and after pausing for a moment, she added, "She also fears being alone."

Sayaka drew her knees to her chest. "Doesn't everybody?"

"Yes, that is a very human fear," Homura replied, her voice only a whisper.

"But magical girls are lonely, right? There's no one else who can really understand us, so that's why we need to stick together."

"Do you think magical girls can understand one another?"

"Tch…" Sayaka's arms tightened around her knees. "They should, but…"

"Do you regret becoming a magical girl?"

"Of course not!" Sayaka exclaimed, her heart beating against her chest. "I was able to save Kyosuke and Hitomi-chan, and I want to be able to support Mami-san too!"

"So you wish to be a savior?"

"I… I don't really understand what you mean by that." Sayaka turned her face away. "Mami-san said the same thing when I told her about my wish, but… I don't know, I just want to protect people with the magic my wish gave me. That's what a magical girl is supposed to do, right?"

Homura was silent for what felt like an eternity. "You have people precious to you, and it's not necessarily wrong to want to protect them," she said finally. "If you can understand your own feelings and accept them, you will not have any regrets."

"I don't understand you at all," was all Sayaka could say in response.

Thus for a while neither girl spoke, and Sayaka simply stared at the city that lay below. The bright lights, even at night, were almost blinding, but even they weren't enough to ward away the wraiths that lurked in the darkness. That burden fell upon the shoulders of magical girls, and Sayaka would never regret accepting that burden.

Yet only a select few would ever know of the sacrifices she had made.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts; she didn't carry that burden alone. Mami understood her, knew of the sacrifices she had made, and even protected her. That was the strength she admired, and she wanted to share her own with Mami. If she was stronger, she could protect Mami too, and Mami would never have to fear loneliness again.

Sayaka bit her lip, and her heart hurt. An intense feeling welled within her, almost like what she had felt toward Kyosuke but stronger somehow. What exactly was Mami to her? Did she want to be Mami's savior, or…?

"Miki Sayaka." Homura's quiet voice cut through Sayaka's thoughts, startling her. "Is Tomoe Mami precious to you?"

"Of course!" Sayaka's heart raced even more at those words. "More than anything!"

"Then you two should be honest with one another, so that you won't have any regrets."

"I don't have any regrets," Sayaka muttered. She hesitated a moment, and then asked, "Do you have anyone precious to you?"

"Yes," Homura answered quickly, and the faintest hints of a smile came upon her lips. "She went somewhere far away, but someday I hope to see her again."

Sayaka let out a giggle. "I think I'd like to meet her too."

"You will someday," Homura's voice was barely even a whisper. "And she'll be happy to see you."

Sayaka smiled. "You actually sound hopeful."

Homura got to her feet, and her bow appeared in her hand. "The miasma is thick tonight, so be on your guard. Take care, Miki Sayaka." Before giving Sayaka a chance to reply, she had jumped off the building, and Sayaka had caught a quick glimpse of dark, tattered wings.

"Precious, huh?" Sayaka said as she also stood up. "Yeah, that does sound nice."

She stretched her arms, and her cape waving in the night wind, she too jumped off the building. Doing was actually kind of fun, even if Mami had once called it a reckless use of magic, but it did have its advantages. When Sayaka was on the ground, Homura was already out of sight, so she walked these streets alone, with only her thoughts for company.

Yet magical girls were still drawn to darkness, and whenever she sensed evil, she had to defeat it, so she plunged headfirst into that darkness, prepared to defend this city from the shadows.

She hadn't expected to stumble across any wraiths tonight, but as they surrounded her, she had no choice but to fight. She slashed and slashed, and the more wraiths that fell by her hands, the more the pain dulled.

Even as dawn neared, Sayaka still could not stop fighting.

The wraiths had been unusually persistent, and she wished she had heeded Homura's warning more carefully, and perhaps even to ask for her help. However, although she was alone and greatly outnumbered, she had the advantage of magic, and thus she could not lose.

Eventually she managed to defeat all the wraiths, and the pain had dulled almost to nothing. She could almost shut out pain entirely, but both Kyubey and Mami had warned her that would be a bad idea. She let out a hollow chuckle; would Mami be proud of her, or be angry at her recklessness?

Her every joint aching, Sayaka walked along a street lit by weak lamps, and it was not yet time for dawn. She had not expected to be out this late, and she had not called either her parents or Mami. Maybe they were worried or even angry, but at least they were safe from wraiths.

(And at least Mami would know of her accomplishments.)

"Miki-san."

Sayaka jolted at the sound of that familiar voice, and she turned around and saw Mami standing behind her, her eyes went wide. How did Mami always seem to find her?

Mami crossed her arms over her chest, and her expression was grave. "Were you fighting alone again?"

"I-I didn't mean to!" Sayaka found herself saying, and a feeling of dizziness came over her. "I was talking to that Homura girl, and when I left, I sensed some wraiths, and I couldn't just leave them to hurt someone…"

"And you did not even think to at least ask Akemi-san for help."

Sayaka grit her teeth as her aching fingers balled into fists. "But I won, and I got plenty of dark cubes too! I'm not weak!"

"That isn't the point." Mami's voice was firm, almost frightening. "I have told you repeatedly - it is dangerous to fight alone, whether you are weak or strong."

"But you fought alone for a long time…" Sayaka mumbled, her body trembling. "I… I just want to be strong like you! If I'm strong, I can protect those I love! I can protect you!"

Mami dashed forward and seized Sayaka's arms, her fingers tight. "Miki-san, why can't you understand? I don't want to lose you! I'm not that strong, but if I'm with you, I'm not scared anymore! You don't need to fight alone, not if you have someone who loves you…"

"M-Mami-san?" Sayaka stammered, and her entire body felt as if it was on fire.

Mami was still for an intense moment, and then she pressed her lips against Sayaka's.

That fire within Sayaka grew stronger, and as her heart pounded against her chest, she found herself wishing this moment would last forever. She could always be with Mami, and they would never fear losing one another…

Soon Mami broke the kiss, and there was a faint blush upon her cheeks. "Ah, I've gotten rather emotional, haven't I?" She let out a chuckle. "But Miki-san, I love you, and when I'm with you, I truly do feel strong."

Sayaka blushed, and she found she could not meet Mami's gaze. (Had Mami's eyes always been so bright and beautiful?) "Well, um, I really admire you, Mami-san, and that's why I want to be stronger - to be worthy of you."

Mami cupped Sayaka's face. "Miki-san, I'm simply happy that you're with me."

"I could say the same thing." Sayaka felt a smile tug at her lips. "You know, you can call me by my given name."

A soft smile came upon Mami's lips. "Let's go home. It's almost dawn, but we can still get a little bit of rest together."

Sayaka nodded as she took Mami's hand into hers, and Mami's fingers were warm and protective. She still tasted Mami on her lips, and her blush only deepened at that thought.

As the sun began to rise over the horizon, the two girls walked this narrow road, and Sayaka found herself leaning against Mami for support. She was so very tired, but she never wanted to let go of Mami.


End file.
